how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize