haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
