stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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