So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
