She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize