Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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