Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
