just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
