the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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