at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize