i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
