So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
