Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
