Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize