Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
