im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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