Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
