i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
