Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
