Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
