there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
