i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
