the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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