I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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