Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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