He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
