2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
