and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
