i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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