I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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