my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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