tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize