he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
