I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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