My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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