Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
