My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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