sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
