This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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