So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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