2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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