College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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