May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
