cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
