mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
