Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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