4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
