Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
