If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
