Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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