dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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