I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
