i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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