I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
