smell my finger.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
