We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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