THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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