I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I got inside last night via doggy door
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
