I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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