Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
