I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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