thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
