I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
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