the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This house was built for laser tag.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
