so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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