my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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