I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize