if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
