know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
