I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
