Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize