This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
