i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
