Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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