I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
