if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
