So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize