Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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