I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
