I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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