Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
