is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
