Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
