Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
