I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
