i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
