I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize