I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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