In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
