Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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