Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
