I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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